You want to leave that comment, You NEED to leave that comment!
Jun 25th, 2008 - by JaQelvis Stylez - Category: Lead Stories
Boy, it sure has been lonely here in the comments at Hilarious.net. Real lonely. JaQelvis’ bed on a Saturday night lonely!
We want you to comment. It’s quick, it’s easy. Post a video to Facebook, digg a video, e-mail to a friend. It is just a click away from all of your friends saying how tech savvy and hilarious you are.
I sat at home last night, and wrote this tear-filled speech. You may notice it as a mash up of Henry David Thoreau and Colonel Nathan Jessup, but it is an emotional piece that I would really appreciate a comment on.
I went to hilarious.net because I wished to live deliberately, to experience only the humorous parts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to offer, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not commented. The mass of visitors lead lives of quiet desperation. Do not be part of that mass. Give us your “LOL”s and “ROLF”s, your “that was dumb”, your “you are a DB, JaQelvis!”.
People, we live in a site that has comments. And those comments have to be moderated by men with mustaches. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Rodge Rockwell? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for funny videos and you curse YouTube. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not having to look all over the internet for funny videos. You have hilarious.net. And our existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves time…Deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want to leave that comment. You NEED to leave that comment!
We use words like ninja, wii bikini, MacGruber…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent laughing at something. You use ‘em as a punchline. We have neither the time nor the inclination to explain ourselves to a visitor who cries and pees their pants under the blanket of the very videos we provide, then assume you can stay anonymous! I’d rather you just LOL in the comments before you went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a video and submit a post. Either way, I do give a damn about you forwarding these links on! It is what you are entitled to!
Comment like no one is reading, digg like you have no shovel, e-mail like no one is reading and post to facebook like you have no friends, then and only then will you truly be free.
OMG pwnd myself…JaQelvis, you are a DB!
I second that notion, you are a DB.
You have all failed me Hilarious.net readers. I mourn for your lives of silent desperation. Rodge, I can always count on you…to publicly call me a DB.
yTrzMa hi! hice site!
Thanks nick,
Not exactly what I was hoping for, but hey, I’ll take it.
The Hubble Telescope has detected the largest recorded explosion to date.
Supernova Bella Prime in the Perseus Galaxy has exploded and has emitted a massive electromagnetic pulse, also known as an EMP, that could cause major disruptions to computers and communication systems here on Earth.
On March 13, 1989, in Montreal, Quebec, 6 million people were without commercial electric power for 9 hours as a result of a huge geomagnetic storm. Some areas in the northeastern U.S. and in Sweden also lost power.
Supernova Bella Prime is 1056 times stronger than the 1989 EMP and is expected to reach Earth later this year.
Scientists predict there will be major disruptions to computers and to most electrical devises here on Earth.
In order to protect your electrical circuits all cells phones, computers, televisions, and other electrical devises should be turned off for approximately 24 minutes as the EMP wave passes over Earth.
Persons traveling in vehicles using a navigational GPS are to ensure they have a traditional map available as all GPS devises will be affected when GPS Satellites Stations are turned towards the EMP and their signal turned off for the 24 minute duration.
Scientist also say that not all things will be doom and gloom as some of the newly designed battery operated toys will be activated during the 24 minute wave period even without batteries installed. Also of interest, the Earth’s magnetic field which naturally protects us from all EMPs will cause a spectacular show of the Aurora Borealis seen as far south as Mexico.
There is little health risk during this time as the narrow wave exposure is considered short.
Presented by Team Star
California Observatory
References
Giacobbe, F. W. (2005). “How a Type II Supernova Explodes”. Electronic
Journal of Theoretical Physics 2 (6): 30–38. Retrieved on 2007-08-03.
“Introduction to Supernova Remnants”. NASA Goddard Space Flight Center (July
27, 2006). Retrieved on 2006-09-07.
Schawinski, K. Justham, S.; Wolf, C.; Podsiadlowski, P.; Sullivan, M.;
Steenbrugge, K. C.; Bell, T.; Röser, H.-J.; Walker, E. S.; Astier, P.; Balam,
D.; Balland, C.; Carlberg, R.; Conley, A.; Fouchez, D.; Guy, J.; Hardin, D.;
Hook, I.; Howell, D. A.; Pain, R.; Perrett, K.; Pritchet, C.; Regnault, N.;
Yi, S. K. (2008). “Supernova Shock Breakout from a Red Supergiant”. Science
Express 321: 223. doi:10.1126/science.1160456. PMID 18556514.
a b c Mazzali, P. A.; K. Röpke, F. K.; Benetti, S.; Hillebrandt, W. (2007).
“A Common Explosion Mechanism for Type Ia Supernovae”. Science 315 (5813):
825–828. doi:10.1126/science.1136259. PMID 17289993.
a b Gilmore, Gerry (2004). “The Short Spectacular Life of a Superstar”.
Science 304 (5697): 1915–1916. doi:10.1126/science.1100370. PMID 15218132.
Retrieved on 2007-05-01
Hmm, it is total spam, but I did ask for comments; I’ll take it!